Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

And so it was time for another emergency meeting of the Thirsty Goat Family. This time with steak sandwiches and white sauce. Everyone was in attendance, except Kirk, who was off human-ing.

The meeting immediately ground to a halt as the only sounds in the living room were groans of pleasure and the wet smacking of mastication. A word that means chewing, you dirty minded shitgibbons

I was of two minds. One one side they were incredibly delicious sandwiches. On the other, it reminded me a bit too much of the sandwiches Bran used to make in the mining camp. Which made me think of brain-jacking Abilities and giant ants and… well, focus on the now Pete. Breath in, breath out, remember the King’s beaming face.

Honestly, it worked pretty well. The King’s massive charisma made him very easy to remember, and thoughts of him immediately wiped out any other worries. I’d have to send him a thank you bottle of wine when I made one.

Though… it would probably be worse than the original. Shit, that was going to be annoying. I was going from being the best brewer, to almost certainly the worst. At least it would be good for the Forefather of Brewing’s ego.

The first to finish their sandwich and talk was Richter. “Can I just get ‘dis straight? Peter, you’ve been offered ‘da chance to become an Ambassador. ‘Dey want you to go topside and teach all ‘de dwarves and elves how to brew beer?”

I nodded.

Richter nodded. “Okay. Let me just be ‘de first to say, ‘dat sounds amazing, and I am very happy for you. Also, FUCK no, I’m staying here.”

The usually straight-laced Richter really got that swear word out there, and there was a hacking sound as Annie patted Aqua on the back while the blue-bearded dwarfess choked on her sandwich.

Hands stayed resolutely down. Bando started to raise his, got ‘the look’ from his mother, and slowly dropped it.

“I just don’t think anyone wants to do that right now, Pete.” Aqua explained, desperately wiping bits of sandwich out of her beard. “The past couple of years have been more excitement than most dwarves experience in a lifetime. I just want to… brew, and sing, find a beardfriend, and play hitball. I’m sick of crisis after crisis.”

There were murmurs of agreement.

I sighed. “Aye, I figured as much. But I wanted you all to know that I’m planning on takin’ the deal. Aqua convinced me.”

All eyes nailed Aqua and she rolled hers. “It was therapy. Therapy. I didn’t tell him anything, he decided all on his own.”

“Hey,” I protested, grinning, “you aren’t supposed to talk about our therapy sessions!”

“Shad-dup. You started it. And I think he’s right, everyone. He’s going to become insufferable in short order without something driving him. Can you imagine a rich, bored, lorded, Pete? Stuck in here with you for the next century?”

There was a group shiver, to my feeble protests.

“Sorry brother, but you might be on yer own.” Balin grimaced. “I donnae want ta leave Annie, and we’re still explorin’ Deepcore.”

Annie reached over and patted me on the shoulder. “Then I guess that’s that.”

Well, it was about what I’d expected. “Mebbe Kirk will want to come,” I mumbled.

“Do you have anything you need to do before you go?” Bando put in. “Ya ain’t just leavin’ tomorrow, right?”

“Aye! And don’t you be doin’ it for free, hear! You’d better get something good out of it!” Rosie added.

I pointed at our resident coupon-cutter and general manager. “Rosie, that’s brilliant! They really want me, so what should I ask for? Brainstorming, everyone!”

Richter put up his hand. “Rare books?”

I shook my head. “Naw, we can always buy those, we need something that only the government can give us.”

“Tax breaks?” Annies asked, grimacing. “I still can’t believe they’re charging us a tax on buried treasure.”

“A pass on health inspections?” Bando asked, hopefully.

“You still got’s ta clean the kitchen boyo.” His father, Darrel groused.

“Enchanted items!” Richter hooted.

I even activated [Flash of insight], but it didn’t really give me any new ideas that couldn’t be solved by throwing money at it. It did reveal that I’d need to stock up on armoured socks before leaving.

Balin had been quiet and contemplative, and he spoke into the silence that fell as people ran out of ideas. “If yer leavin’, Pete… what about access to the teleportation circle? Then we’d be able to ship our brew to the surface, and come visit ya. Us adventurers use tha’ dungeon teleporters all tha’ time, and they’re great.”

I blinked. The teleportation circle in Kinsahsa was a very private affair, limited to a few old clans, and government big-wigs. Everyone else had to brave the winding, dangerous, old road through the depths.

“That’s brilliant, dear! Especially if they’re trying to spread beer to the surface! They’ll probably jump at the idea!” Annie whooped with jubilation and wrapped Balin in a big hug, planting a big kiss on his brow.

I nodded. “Okay, teleporter access for one. Anything else?”

“Tax breaks?” Annie asked, hopefully.

I rolled my eyes. “Tax breaks. I’ll ask, but no promises. Anything they’re likely to accept?”

A few more ideas were pitched, from zoning exceptions, to royal titles, to ‘get out of jail free’ cards (the last was my idea).

This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

In the end, we landed on just teleportation permission. It was feasible, and avoided pushing for too much.

As we wound down, Annie finally asked the big question, “When will you leave?”

I shrugged. “Dunno. I assume relatively soon. Joseph seemed eager to start.”

“Do you have anything you need to do before you go?” Aqua asked, putting her therapy hat on.

I thought about it. “The business is pretty much in hand between Whistlemop, Copperpot, and you lot. But… I’ve been thinking. When I met with Sam, he mentioned my mother. I – ah – left her a lot of debt, apparently. I’ve been avoiding it, but I should really deal with that.”

“Pete!” Rosie said, shocked. “How could you!”

“I – you – It wasn’t –“ I gawped, looking at her with consternation, my eyes flicking to Bando. The youngster still wasn’t in the know about my past, but his parents were. I hadn’t left Pete’s Erdly mother with mounds of debt!

Rosie followed my eyes and flushed. “Oh, I get it.”

“I don’t…” Bando’s eyes narrowed. “What’re you all talkin’ about.”

“Don’t worry about it, dearie.” His mother patted him on the back, and he grumbled.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

It was at that moment that I got a notification.

*Bing!*

Quest Complete: Elven Influencer Part 1/10

One down, 9 to go!

Gained [Adjust Taste]!

New Quest: Elven Influencer Part 2/10

Influence 5,000 elves with your otherworldly alcohol knowledge

Like I said, go make some wine!

Elves Influenced: 50/5000

Rewards: + 0.4 Charisma

Do you accept?

Yes/No

“Huh…” I muttered while accepting the quest, “I just got a Milestone.”

“Lucky bastard.” Johnsson muttered. “Gets Milestones practically just fer existing.”

“Hey,” I protested, “I worked hard fer this.”

“What did you get?” Aqua asked, sitting forward with interest.

“One sec.” I pulled up the information on the new Ability. It was one I’d been looking forward to.

[Adjust Taste] - You may have heard the saying “You can't really understand another person's experience until you've walked a mile in their shoes.” This lets you walk a mile in their tongue. Adjust your sense of taste to match a chosen target.

This ability can be used once per day and lasts for one hour.

I read the Ability once in my head, and again out loud. It wasn’t as exciting as I’d hoped, but it certainly had its uses in brewing. Especially in a world with different races! At the same time…

It was kinda meh. Ah well, Milestones weren’t where the really cool stuff was. That was the Blessings, and speaking of which…

“I need ta Specialize,” I commented offhand.

Bando actually jumped in his seat. “Already!? Howin tarnation!? I know fer a fact you Specialized last year!”

“I really do work hard.” I grinned at him, then considered my options. “Now’s as good a chance as any. How’s about you all lend me some advice.”

There were general murmurs of agreement and I considered which Milestones I was going to throw into the woodchipper; sacrificing rare, special, and themed Milestones gave a more powerful Specialization.

I had: [Power Pick], [Basic Slash], [White Lie], [Mental Maths], [Big Money], [Thick Skin], [Friend: Gnomes], [Pete’s Miniature Remembrance], [Long Stride],[Sense Poison],[Spot Clean], [Unbending], [Rapid Aging], [Lucky Break], [Pete’s Lucky Brew], [Wayfinder], and now [Adjust Taste].

All the combat, socialization, and mining Abilities were out, which left: [Big Money], [Pete’s Miniature Remembrance], [Rapid Aging], [Lucky Break], [Pete’s Lucky Brew], [Spot Clean], [Sense Poison], [Wayfinder] and [Adjust Taste]

[Spot Clean] was too useful, as was [Rapid Aging]; I literally couldn’t afford to lose them. [Lucky Break] could go into the pot, along with [Pete’s Lucky Brew]. That would be a nice luck boost, and one of them counted as an ultra-rare Personalized Ability. [Adjust Taste], while neat, could help pad the numbers.

I was about to discount [Pete’s Miniature Remembrance] by reflex, but then thought about it more seriously. Over the past couple months I’d summoned just about everything I could think of and recreated them. And ever since Copperpot learned my secret, I’d held nothing back. He now had a massive inventory of sketches and models to draw from. Outside of evolving the Ability one day and getting larger items, which was in no way guaranteed, I didn’t use it for much beyond stress balls these days.

And it was another super rare Personalized Ability. What would mixing them give…

I threw it in the pot.

Which left one more. [Sense Poison] was too mundane, and [Wayfinder] might save my life one day. Which left [Big Money], an Ability that let me store my gold in an extradimensional space. I didn’t really need it, and it might give an interesting twist to some of my choices.

“Alrighty everyone. I’m going to toss [Big Money], [Pete’s Miniature Remembrance], [Pete’s Lucky Brew], [Lucky Break], and [Adjust Taste] into the Specialisation. Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Rosie sighed with relief. “Ach, I’ll be glad ta see [Lucky Brew] go. Too many durned idjits were using our bottles as maces in bar brawls. It was gettin’ dangerous.”

“[Miniature Remembrance]? Are you sure?” Aqua asked, notebook at the ready.

“Aye, I don’t really need it anymore.”

“It’s your Abilities Pete.” Aqua patted me on the knee. “You know best.”

I took a big breath, and activated the prompt.

*Bing!*

Specialisation Possible!

Please select 5 Milestones to combine into a Specialisation!

You have selected [Pete’s Miniature Remembrance], [Pete’s Lucky Brew], [Lucky Break], [Adjust Taste], and [Big Money].

Merge Milestones?

Yes/No

I chose yes.

*Bing!*

Specialisation Gained

You have decided to Specialise! Specialisation is an important decision that will guide your future growth. Your selected Milestones will combine to give you powerful new Blessings that will help you down your chosen path. Choose wisely, for what you choose will come to define you.

The following four Specialisations are available to you.

Barck’s Bartender

Otherworldly Lucky Crafter

Crafter of Fortune

Legendary Archemist

Walls of text filled my vision and I got busy deciding on the next chapter in my life. But honestly, with a name like Legendary Archemist, this was probably a done deal.