Reincarnated as the Villainess’s Unlucky Bodyguard

[Congratulations. You survived. Barely.]

The system's smug commentary reverberated in my head as I trudged down the Academy hallway, dripping wet and utterly drained. My boots squelched with every step, leaving a trail of water behind me that would probably cause some unlucky student to slip. Good. Misery loves company.

"Do you feel accomplished, Liria?" Ananara's voice dripped with mockery from his perch on my shoulder. "All that effort, and you're still a mediocre mage. Truly inspiring."

"Say one more word," I growled, "and I'll chuck you into the nearest soup pot."

Before the pineapple could retort, the hallway darkened ominously, and the faint scent of lavender and brimstone tickled my nose. My stomach dropped. Only one person smelled like that.

Daena.

I froze mid-step as my not-so-sweet adoptive grandmother strode into view, her obsidian skin glinting like polished onyx under the faint light. Her glowing violet eyes locked onto me, burning with a fury I recognized all too well. She was dressed in her usual terrifying regalia: sweeping black robes edged with silver, her curving horns gleaming and her wings folded tightly behind her.

"Grandma!" I said, forcing a nervous grin. "What a surprise. What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" she repeated, her voice a low growl that made my insides twist. "Perhaps I came to see how my darling granddaughter is doing at the prestigious Academy. Or perhaps I was informed by the principal that you decided to turn her office into a bonfire."

Oh. So that's why she was here.

"Well, in my defense—"

"No defenses!" Daena snapped, her wings flaring slightly as she stepped closer. "Do you have any idea how many reports I've received about your antics, Liria? And now you've destroyed priceless artifacts? Do you think I'm made of voidshards?"

Voidshards. The demon currency. They were small, translucent black crystals used as the foundation for all demonic transactions. A single voidshard was the equivalent of ten shimmerflakes—smaller silver coins used for daily expenses. It was said that the wealthiest families had vaults filled with millions of voidshards, while the average demon struggled to hold onto a handful.

"How much are we talking here?" I asked hesitantly, already bracing for the answer.

Daena's eyes narrowed. "The tapestry alone was worth fifty voidshards. Add in the artifacts and the scorched furniture, and you've racked up a debt of one hundred voidshards. Do you have any idea how much that is?"

"That sounds like… a lot?" I ventured weakly.

"A lot?" Daena repeated, her tone rising. "Liria, that's enough to purchase a mid-sized fortress! I could buy a small army with that! And you burned it!"

"Technically, it was just lightly charred," Ananara piped up. "And honestly, that tapestry was hideous. She did you all a favor."

Daena's glare shifted to the pineapple. "I should have left you on the vine."

"I'm irreplaceable," Ananara sniffed.

As if the situation couldn't get worse, Seraphis chose that exact moment to appear, striding down the hallway with her silvery-white hair still slightly frayed from my earlier mischief. Her obsidian armor gleamed with an aura of authority, and her expression was the picture of smug satisfaction.

"Ah, Lady Daena," she said smoothly, bowing slightly. "I see you've been informed of your ward's… escapades."

"Don't sound so pleased," I muttered under my breath.

"I take no pleasure in this," Seraphis replied, her voice calm but cutting. "As you know, disciplinary action is mandatory in such cases. Liria will be sent on a week-long assignment as part of her punishment."

"Assignment?" I echoed, frowning. "What kind of assignment?"

"The kind that will teach you responsibility," Seraphis said, her violet eyes gleaming with malicious satisfaction. "You'll be assisting the groundskeeper in maintaining the Academy's exterior. That means shoveling gravel, pulling weeds, and cleaning magical residue from the outer wards."

"You're sending me to do chores?"

"It's either that," Seraphis said, "or expulsion. And your family will still have to repay the damages."

I glanced at Daena, who looked like she was one insult away from incinerating both me and Seraphis on the spot. I didn't dare push my luck further.

"Fine," I grumbled. "I'll do it."

The moment Seraphis left, Daena rounded on me, her glowing eyes narrowing dangerously. "We'll discuss the voidshards later," she said. "For now, you will focus on repairing your reputation. Do you hear me, Liria? ."

"Yes, Grandma," I muttered, feeling like a chastised child.

"Good," she said, her wings folding neatly behind her. "And Ananara?"

"Yes?" the pineapple replied smugly.

"Behave," Daena snapped. "Or I'll find a way to pluck you."

"Noted," Ananara said, though he sounded entirely unbothered.

With that, Daena turned and swept away, her robes billowing behind her. The scent of lavender and brimstone lingered long after she'd disappeared.

"Well," Ananara began smugly, "that went swimmingly."

"Don't start," I muttered, massaging my temples. My stomach growled loudly, reminding me that I still hadn't eaten. Lunch had been rudely interrupted by my earlier office rampage.

"Ah, yes," Ananara continued, ignoring my mood. "Nothing like a good scolding from an adoptive demon grandmother to stimulate the appetite. Shall we return to the VIP section? Perhaps you can embarrass yourself further in front of the nobility."

I glared at him but said nothing as I trudged back toward the cafeteria. My boots still squelched with every step, and I looked every bit like someone who had been metaphorically dragged through the nine circles of hell.

The VIP section of the cafeteria was just as I'd left it: annoyingly perfect. Velvet ropes, polished tables, and nobles who probably spent more time admiring their own reflections than eating. Enara was still there, lounging at our table with the elegance of someone who had never known hardship.

Her raven-black hair shimmered under the magical chandeliers, and her piercing midnight eyes lit up with amusement the moment she saw me.

"Well, well," she drawled, taking a delicate sip from her glass of sparkling whatever-it-was. "Look who finally decided to rejoin us. Did you get lost on your way back, or were you busy setting something else on fire?"

"Very funny," I said, plopping down across from her. A waiter appeared almost instantly, placing a fresh plate of roasted pheasant and a glass of juice in front of me.

"You look like you've been through a war," Enara said, her lips curving into a smirk. "What happened? Did Seraphis give you an award for 'Most Destructive Apprentice'?"

"Not exactly," I muttered, stabbing a piece of pheasant with my fork.

"She got scolded," Ananara piped up, his voice dripping with glee. "By Daena herself, no less. It was glorious."

Enara's smirk widened into a full-blown grin. "Oh, this I have to hear. What did she say?"

"Nothing important," I said quickly, taking a bite of my food.

"She threatened to pluck me," Ananara added indignantly.

Enara burst out laughing, a rare sound that was equal parts melodic and mocking. "She threatened you? About time someone did."

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Can we not make this a public spectacle? I'd like to eat in peace for once."

Unfortunately, Enara had no intention of letting me off the hook.

"You know," she said, leaning forward with a conspiratorial glint in her eye, "Seraphis told me about your punishment. A week of groundskeeping, was it? Pulling weeds, shoveling gravel, scrubbing wards…"

"Don't remind me," I muttered, already dreading the humiliation that awaited me.

"Maybe it'll be good for you," Enara said with mock sympathy. "Builds character, or so I've heard."

"You're enjoying this way too much," I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Of course I am," she said, unabashed. "It's not every day I get to see you brought down a peg. Though, honestly, you're starting from such a low position that it's hardly worth the effort."

"Wow. Thanks for the support," I said dryly.

"You're welcome," she replied sweetly, raising her glass in a mock toast.

As much as I wanted to wallow in self-pity, the food was too good to ignore. The pheasant was perfectly roasted, the vegetables were crisp and seasoned to perfection, and the juice was a refreshing blend of citrus and something else I couldn't quite place.

Even Ananara seemed momentarily content, though he still found time to critique the table arrangement. "The centerpiece is atrocious," he declared, eyeing the ornate vase of enchanted roses. "Who designed this? A blind troll?"

"Do you ever stop complaining?" I asked, taking another bite of pheasant.

"Do you ever stop being incompetent?" he shot back.

Enara laughed again, clearly enjoying the chaos. "You know, Liria, if you ever write a memoir, you should call it 'Adventures with the World's Most Insufferable Fruit'."

"Great idea," I said sarcastically. "I'll dedicate the first chapter to you."

"How touching," she replied, feigning gratitude.

The rest of lunch passed in a blur of snide remarks and thinly veiled insults, but at least I managed to finish my meal without further interruptions. By the time we left the cafeteria, my mood had improved slightly—though that might have been the food talking.

As we stepped back into the hallway, Enara glanced at me with a mischievous glint in her eye. "So, what's your plan for the rest of the day? More destruction? Or are you saving that for tomorrow?"

"Funny," I said. "I was thinking of taking a nap. Maybe dreaming about a world where people don't constantly mock me."

"Dream on," she said with a smirk.

Ananara, of course, couldn't resist one last jab. "Don't forget to dream about all the voidshards you owe. Maybe in your dreams, you'll actually be able to pay them off."

I resisted the urge to throw him across the hall. Barely.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om